Fed Up and Irritated!

***DISCLAIMER: This is a vent, a long one, so whoever wants to comiserate with me, please read.***

I am just fed up and irritated with so many things in my life. Sadly they are just minor petty things but they have been adding up and going on for so long that it is driving me crazy.

I can't wait for summer to be here and school to be out. J will be going to Virginia (Yes, she moved again!) to visit her mom, and I will be free of her attitude and demands for 5 weeks - the most peaceful happy weeks of the year! She has mommy issues which get taken out on me. I can't tell her to do anything without getting whining, snotty, bitchy attitude back. She can't stand living with her mom, but doesn't see the difference in what she has here vs. what she has/would have down there.

We have been hounding her for the last 6 weeks to get her grades up and refocus in school. Finally her grade in language arts dropped to an F, and she got grounded immediately. Lost her phone and the internet at home for 2 weeks. Well somehow in three days after talking with her teachers and getting some extra credit and retaking some tests, she has brought her grades up to Cs and above - in three days. Says she likes how it feels to be bringing her grades up. We have been telling her every week, every week, what her grades were and asking about certain assignments that she did poorly on. But take away her phone and internet and suddenly she isn't failing anymore. She just doesn't see the connection.

So she will get her phone back in a few days, because her sentence was reduced to one week. There are 6 weeks of school left so she has a chance to bring her grades back to A's and B's. She is quite capable, but it seems the only time she actually cares and does her work, like we know she can, is if we do what her mother did all the time (when J was in grade school) which was ground her everytime she brought home a bad grade and not let her do anything until the grade come up. In mom's case that was until the next grading period since they didn't have computer grading like they have nowadays. It just gets old so fast.

Another thing that irritated me is the fact that I had to make Hubby actually talk to her about her grades weekly. I shouldn't have to force him to talk to her each week when it is clear that she is slipping. It doesn't matter if the grade is for 2 points or 20. After talking with her math teacher last night at conferences, we found out that when she was getting 0 out of 2 points on in-class work, daily work, it's because she was turning in incomplete work. She wasn't doing/finishing the assignments.

There is no excuse for it. She has all the time in the world. The only thing that really takes away any time is her job, however she only works about 5 hours on Saturday and Sunday mornings. There is the whole rest of the day to complete any homework she might have and to study. It's not like I am asking her to babysit day in and day out. She never brings home any homework, says she gets it all done in class. However her grades were not reflecting that at all, because she rushes through everything to get it "done" so she doesn't have to carry anything home. Heaven forbid.

Hubby finally admitted out loud that C's weren't acceptable either. Sadly that's all I have been hearing for the last 6 weeks or more. He seems to think just because that was his average grade in school, that he shouldn't be bothered to have his daughter strive to do better than that. If I got anything less than a B in school my parents were on me *like that*. It just wasn't acceptable to not try harder to do the best that I was capable of. So he finally tells me that, and I of course tell J that her dad isn't happy with C's either, and she instantly get snotty and say yes he is. I said no he isn't, because we know you can do better. There is no reason she shouldn't be on the B honor roll each trimester. She is plenty smart enough to pull those kinds of grades.

So after the evening was said and done and other things attended to, Hubby has J come upstairs and sit and listen to what he has to say. She tried several times to interrupt, but he wouldn't let her say a word until he, and I, were done with what we had to say about her grades and the bahavior the last three days. Why can't I ever just talk like that to her without her yelling and screaming and being a total bitch. When she throws attitude and refuses to listen to what I have to say it royally pisses me off. If she doesn't want me to yell at her and get mad at her, then drop the fricken attitude and listen to what's being said. That's what sets me off. When I am not allowed to get my point across and have to basically just "drop it" it makes me mad as hell.

It's not just J that does this, but Hubby as well. Nobody seems to get the "point" (whatever that may be at that time). We have the same argument month after month. He works 5 days a week away from home, so I am home alone with the two girls (3yo and 15yo) by myself all week after working a full time job. He works Sunday through Thursday generally, occassionally some Fridays (about 1/month). So on Fridays, J goes to school, E goes to daycare, and I go to work. Hubby is free to do whatever he wants until we all get home again at 4 or 5pm.

Now I was really irritated last night becuase, while he got E ready for bed, it was up to me to put her to sleep. Every night without fail that is my "job". I can count the number of times that he has put her to sleep. She is pretty easy. We play the iPod with some audible books for her, and in about 15 minutes/half hour she is out. We just have to sit there until she is out. Not a big deal. But again why do I have to do that every single night of the week? He is quite capable. She does just as well for him.

I can't just fall asleep in the chair whenever I want, because someone has to be watching E. I don't get free time to do what I want to do becuase whenever Hubby goes somewhere, we all have to go as a family. Why can't he take the girls to the mall or the parks alone? Why do I have to come too? There are things I could be doing at home in that same 2-3 hours time frame. There are things I want to do that involve everyone leaving the house for the day. Some of the projects I want to tackle involve a few days of work, but I can't just start them and finish inside of an hour. And some I certainly can't start with a 3yo trying to "help". Totally defeats the purpose.

I don't enjoy shopping, especially clothes shopping for myself, so when he tells me I can go out and go shopping by myself for myself, it really just irritates me. I shouldn't have to leave the house in order to get some free time to myself. Being out amongst the masses at the mall isn't fun for me either. I want to be able to take a nap at home with no interruptions. I want to be able to do what I want to do when and where I want to do it.

And the followthrough in this household is nonexistent without having to hound them to get things done. I shouldn't have to tell a 15yo every single day to do her chores. Since they are the same chores day in and day out, once should be enough. The downstairs of the house is basically J's area. She is to feed and water the cats, clean the catboxes every other day, and take the dog for a walk daily, aside from keeping her bedroom, bathroom, and the downstairs area neat and tidy. She also has to empty and load the dishwasher every day. Simple things that take about 15-20 minutes total! She also get a $10 allowance a week to do those chores. So why should I/we have to tell her every single day to do her chores. If we don't tell her it doesn't get done. Not asking much.

I shouldn't have to hound the hubby to complete something that he specifically said he would take care of himself. I can see not getting to it immediately but to not do it for more then 3 months is just not acceptable. Especially when he again has a whole day to himself and plenty of free time to do what he wants to do since I end up watching E more often then not. He even gets free time on Saturdays/Sundays to go hang out with friends. I can't help it that my closest friend is over an hour away. Not like I can go see here whenever I want. I can, but its a long drive, and someone has to watch E unless I take her with me, which again defeats the purpose of free time for me.

I don't like leaving E with J unless I absolutely have to. For an hour here or there while I go grocery shopping, maybe, but I do not like leaving E with J for longer than that. J does not interact with her, won't take E outside to play (no reason not to when the weather was so nice), won't pay attention to her.

A prime example was a couple months ago,  I went out for some reason, and had J watch E. I was gone for 2-3 hours for time to myself. I come home, and E tells me that she went potty. Okay, I assumed that J had monitored since E had on different clothes. I asked J if E went potty and she didn't know, and certainly didn't know how long ago (important things to know when pottytraining!). Turns out that they had been downstairs, so E goes potty in J's bathroom (scary enough in itself). Apparently E had wet those undies and pants so she (E) takes them off, leaves them down there on the floor or chair or something and goes upstairs by herself and puts on new undies and pants. She's 3! I didn't realize until later that was what happened, becuase E brought be her wet undies and pants from downstairs. That's why I really don't like to leave them alone together if I don't have to. What else will E be doing completely by herself? We have childproof knob covers on the kitchen doors and a seperate patio door lock that E cannot reach ever, just so we don't have to worry about her walking out of the house.

When E was still in diapers, we would come home to wet/dirty dipes laying on her bedroom floor, wipes container and clothing laying all over the floor. J would change her but wouldn't pick up/clean up after herself. Should be common sense since she lived with her mom who has 3 little girls too. J should be well versed in how to properly change diapers and watch little kids. We've even asked her if this is what she does when she babysits other people's kids. Can't imagine they would ever hire her back after just once of coming home to that stuff laying all over. Not like it wasn't set up for changing diapers in E's bedroom. Everything was in arms reach on the changing table/dresser.

Al lright I am running out steam. Since this happened last night I have had some time to cool down, but I still wanted to get some thoughts out so that I didn't have to hold them in. Can only vent so much to close friends who have all their own issues as well. It just gets to be the same arguments over and over. Hubby works hard and does other things for me, but still doesn't get it sometimes. I need him to do other things for me, such as take the girls out of the house for a few hours. Spend some one on one time with them. I don't need to be there. I want time to myself at home.

J and I are probably too much alike which is why we do not get along. Again the mommy issues don't help since the only one she will listen to is her dad. It's sad that he has to mediate all the time, because she won't listen to me at all. But again it's not all MY fault. Some of it is her too. But she will never admit it.

Thanks for reading if you got this far. I just had to let it all out. I'm sure there's more, but that's it for now. Bye.