It has been an interesting couple of days. It's all been building for the last 3 years or so. Finally everyone is seeing how hard it has been for me to live in a household with a teenager that refuses to listen to anything I say and to obey the household rules. She operates to her own agenda. If it doesn't benefit her, then she wants no part of it.
Basically all started when I went downstairs at midnight on Wednesday (school night) to find her still on her cell phone instead of asleep. Rule is in bed asleep at 11pm. When I told her to get off she basically said she will stay on the phone all night if she wants to. What she neglected to say at any point was that she was talking to her best friend (whose boyfriend just broke up with her - nothing new) and that her friend had cut herself. If J had just said what was going on instead of turning into a snotty little bitch and not having any respect for me, none of this would have happened. Hell we would have been in the vehicle driving over to this friend's house to talk to her parents to let them know what's going on. But J felt she could control all situations and this is what happened.
Because she blew me off, and refused to listen to her dad when he got home yesterday and refused to see the error of her actions, she is now on a plane to Virginia Beach, VA to live with her mom, aunt, and 3 little sisters. She is mad, out of control, and doesn't want to go. Hubby got a big dose of reality last night in what I have been dealing with for the last few years. If she won't listen to him, then she certainly is not listening to me.
The part that amazes me is the fact that Hubby "sees" it now. He has talked to his family, her mother and aunt (mom's sister) and they all understand and seem to be backing me up. Apparently her mom and aunt reamed her out and basically told her "Who the hell do you think you are? You're 15 yrs old. You have no right to speak to anyone like that."
It's already been told that her new bedtime is 10pm down there (we had 11pm, not that she ever followed that), and I can guarantee that if she gives her mom any lip, her cell phone will be gone. And I'm almost certain that her mom will be confiscating her phone as soon as she gets down there and certainly every night at bedtime for a while.
These are the consequences of her actions. For once she will have to suffer for her actions. She went to bed early last night saying she had a headache and she was only half packed. This morning (5am) Hubby woke her up and she said she didn't want to go. He told her to get packed and walked out. She is on a flight at 9:45 this morning and her mother will be dealing with her until next summer. Hubby already told me that he is not bringing her up for Christmas.
For all the anger and emotions last night, he has told me that he is sorry for not "seeing" this earlier. He has come to realize that I haven't been exaggerating her actions. What surprises me the most is that however he worded it to his family and her mom and aunt, that they all seem to be siding with me and realizing how she really is. They don't seem to be blaming me at all.
The sad thing is Hubby was most certainly in the middle of a rock and a hard place. Because of his job and the fact that he's out of town 5 days a week, if I decided to leave the marriage or the household, he would "lose" both his daughters anyway. Ultimately I think he made the best decision for all involved. I most certainly don't need the added stress and E doesn't need a person living in the house that doesn't pay any attention to her.
It was like pulling teeth to get J to spend time with E unless we paid her. She had at one time agreed that she was going to spend an hour or so with her everyday after I get home from work so that I could get things done and get supper made without E underfoot. Basically some quality sister time. But really when it came down to it, J wouldn't take her outside at all, wouldn't take her for a walk to the park, wouldn't do anything but turn the TV on or take her down to J's room and listen to lord knows what music or half ass slap some polish on E's nails. She wouldn't even take the time to trim her nails or remove any old polish and would only do one single stripe on the nail leaving the edges clear. Since E sits really well for this kind of stuff there was no excuse to not do it right and completely.
E looked up to her and liked spending time with her if J was paying attention to her, but J revolves around her cell phone and friends. It got to the point where if we had to leave E with J for a couple hours that we had to promise to bring E a treat/present in order to leave the house without E in full blown tears. I don't have this issue with any babysitter we've had.
For E's sake, mentally and physically, if J wasn't going to spend any quality time with her and actually interact with her, then I don't even want her in E's life. E is the only little sister that isn't photographed in any of J's pictures. There might be one or two shots, but ultimately the little sister she lived with full time is nonexistent in her life.
So I am still in shock and still waiting for something to blow up in my face. We have a new baby in the family and we are going up this weekend to see her. All of Hubby's family will be there. I guess it's already been agreed that "we" (the extended family) aren't going to talk about it and it won't be an issue. It's amazing to me how this is playing out. I know I am not perfect, but many of my actions are in relation to everything I have been dealing with and going through for the last few years.
I'm just in shock right now. Hopefully things will settle down and work out the way it should. I don't expect an apology from J at any point. I don't believe she will be talking to me for years to come. When she is in the real world and has kids of her own, maybe she will understand what happened and where it all went wrong.
Thanks for reading this. It helps to get it all off my chest.
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